Anatomy Of A Failed Outreach Message

Let’s look at a message I received in my InBox recently and see just why it, and ones like it, fail miserably. I have changed the name and company to protect the guilty party (as you will see, they have enough trouble already without me piling on).

Hi Bruce,

 My name is David from Lead Madness. 

For the past year, we’ve been helping Digital Marketing Agencies connect with High-Net-Worth Prospects on LinkedIn looking for help with building funnels, attracting clients, website creation, paid ad assitance, and more.

 On average we are assisting in adding an average of 10 – 15+ automatically booked calls on their calendars and 1-3+ signed agreements.

 We are trying to get into contact with network groups to do an overall campaign for a franchise network.

 Do you have some time to talk?

Regards,

David

Here’s my calendar to book an intro call:

https://calendly.com/etc etc

Okay, let’s break this message down.

Hi Bruce,

My name is David from Lead Madness. 

What he did: This first sentence is unnecessary, as he is listed as the sender of the message by LinkedIn or by my email software. He has added the company name, but that is best used elsewhere.

What he could have done: Left this sentence out. You don’t have much time to get my attention and this is not going to do it.

For the past year, we’ve been helping Digital Marketing Agencies connect with High-Net-Worth Prospects on LinkedIn looking for help with building funnels, attracting clients, website creation, paid ad assitance, and more.

What he did: It’s amazing how much can go wrong in one sentence.

  • “For the past year” tells me they have been in business for a year. I don’t know about you, but I prefer to stay away from people with one year of experience, whether they are surgeons, lawyers, or lead generation specialists.
  • Next, David has assumed I am a Digital Marketing Agency going after High Net Worth Prospects. David apparently has not bothered to look at my LinkedIn Profile.
  • Note also that David’s company offers multiple different services “and more.” When I started in sales we used to call this the “shopping cart approach.” I am going to tell you about everything we do, and you can just stop me when I get to something you are interested in and put it in the shopping cart.
  • And not proofing your outreach message to catch the misspelling of “assistance” does not reflect well on his attention to detail.

What he could have done: Made one point and made it well. Something like, “We specialize in website design. I had a quick look at your website and there are four easy changes we could help you with that would result in a 50% increase in visitors.”

On average we are assisting in adding an average of 10 – 15+ automatically booked calls on their calendars and 1-3+ signed agreements.

What he did: “on average we are assisting an average” ?? You’re in marketing and you wrote this? And maybe I am nitpicking but a range can’t have a “plus” in it. “10-15+” sounds like one of those bad weight loss ads where you can lose “up to thirty or more pounds in the first week.”

What he could have done: Pick one metric that his clients want improved and use a hard number that shows their success. “Our clients have been averaging nine more appointments per month when using our system.”

Do you have some time to talk?

What he did: he gave me an easy out, because none of us ever has some time to talk, we’re busy. And “some” is too open ended and belittles the value of my time.

What he should have done: “Do you have ten minutes to talk about the four easy improvements to your website?” Ten minutes for concrete things I could do? Yeah, I’m in for that.

The frightening thing about this message is that it is one of the better ones. Most of them seem to consist of “Hi Bruce, we help companies improve their bottom line. Do you have time for a call next Tuesday?”

So if you are sending out messages or outreach or connection requests like these, please stop. The good news though is that when you put together good outreach messages, boy do you ever stand out from the crowd.

The obligatory disclaimer: I do not work for or have any association with LinkedIn, other than being a user who pays them for his Sales Navigator subscription every month.

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